Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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