I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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