TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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