I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
