xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
