my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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