he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
