mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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