He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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