Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
