T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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