The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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