i'm signing you up for texting rehab
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
