YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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