She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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