the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
