Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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