You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
