you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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