If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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