if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
