I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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