Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Operation Purity has been aborted
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
