you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
