That's when you crack a 10am beer
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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