hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
