I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
this is an emotional support booty call
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
