Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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