Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
