Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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