I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize