were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
