I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
