Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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