I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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