Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
COCAINE IS GR8
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
