I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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