I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize