Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
