I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
