oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
