well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
