I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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