dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
