I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
