you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And then my night got REAL pukey
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
