If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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