Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
