youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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