I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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