I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
