The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
