The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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