I'm lost and stupid without you.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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