Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
