and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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