thus making me awesome and them whores
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
