LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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