I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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