We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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