You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
