went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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