i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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