He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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