let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
