Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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