Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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