yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
