i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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